Friday, April 30, 2010

apple applique

This is a tribute to my childhood, my grandparents had an apple orchard,it was in our backyards. My grandpa grafted apple trees and `created' some of the most gorgeous & delicious apples, my grandma & I picked apples & made apple `everything', mostly warm apple sauce...
..I have many, mnay wonderful memories of them, now that I have lost my dad in such a sudden way I feel that I have lost not kust `my way' but my `threads' to that side of my life. I have moved from where I grew up & they raised me so I close my eyes to remember. So theses will be my MOVING Pictures of memories....OK?
I will have this

applique house in comfort PJ's

this is my dream house :) all sleeper pajamies from my babies-worn in places to bare threads
I began it by hand, I have cut all the pieces out from soft, worn sleepers & shirts & baby clothes.. but I have a bit of an arm disability and Iam not sure if I will be able to applique & quilt like I usedd to & want to...hmmm I can go to the sewing machine & go vroommm. what should I do?
(I had a tumor removed and the surgery was worse than anticipated & they had to go deeper it was wrapped arounf nerved & muscle so they had to sever them in the process, so getting back ability was nill. I have had more surgery since to aliveate pain but they said I would never get back ability.) I never adjusted to it I just go about my merry way and pretty much do what I always have done...just slower & maybe I run into roadblocks when I reliaze it is not what it was...auughh so I do it over & over & over until I get to what I what ...more like what it was or...what is accetable...
I was once really good as an artist, crochet, knitting, sewing, crafting, even a woodworker yes I was an excellect and skilled crafter at tiny wood pieces..I shall put some photos up later. but now my hand shakes so ...not sure ....
what do you think...
and should I make a wall hanging a pillow a blanket hmmm

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Friday, April 9, 2010

Chocolate Chip with some of his my favorite play things, in this photo to the far right is circa 1964 my dad in his fire fighting gear in the far right to the left is a tree he dres a few months before he died.
That was a sketch design I had been thinking about that we had been taking about & he came over & I gave him my art tools & he took them home & he came back with the most BEAUTIFUL trees...... I shall miss him forever.....


I am too tired to do anything, low potassium, I have have been on pills & food -uck & redone labs several times-but level still has not changed?? day of surgery exact same # ?? making me nuts. We got up before the sun drove forever because we live kinda in the country & the hospitals are over an hour long morning drive & NO COFFEE-- AUGHHH, beautiful hospital hospital and my dr's have their own wing gorgeous (thinking---this is going to REALLY cost me!!) they take me to another floor for prep an hr later they begin freaking out because my potassium is really lo & they have to stop & delay surgery to pump me with potassium...ughhhh...staff was really lovely.. at 1 point 3 different people asking questions at once & doing tests-ekg's-blood-chart work... finally wheel me to OR by them I was frezing & they give me warm blankets. BUT no one tells you they will SHAVE you in your private area that would have been nice to know ahead of time. geez. then they kinda strip the gown back & put a surgical blacket with 2 holes over you-it has sticky stape around the holes & they wash you with betadine & it is FREEZING . Then they stick this on you & you are strapped to the OP table with cameras over you & waiting until the surgeon comes. you have to be still -can not move. they have you marked for the pulse point on your artery with marker, so you feel like you have to rub your nose.... :).. then it seems like 2 hr's..... then goes very fast when he comes in.. He has a wonderful presence-so the rooms aura takes on a good feeling.
He takes control..then things begin clicking fast it seems. .... I could not keeep track of what happened...he press's amazingly hard on the artery in my groin area ...auuughhhh, then gives the 1st shot of lidocaine to numb the pain-auughhhhhh...and LORD whats next you think
OH MY GOD...It gets worse... what the in name of Zeus are they doing? they are pressing & I feel liquid-o God it's my blood running down my leg from them shoving the catheter in.....They talk me thru & explain ... they even get toweling to asorb the blood...aughh.. ouchhh.. I can feel it down to my toes & up to my collar bone. the flippin lidocaine did little I want to say But I am to freakin polite & I am gripping my fists & holding the siderails & my breaths-actually I am pretty sure that I am going to pass out soon..but I can't speak because I am in so much pain I can't even tell them. My head is swirling-I can hear them.
I am having a rt & lt done & they are shoving a port in my rt groin that is about 7-10 inches long & it is thick in diameter...kind of like ..hmmm like the pop button in a turkey, when its done cooking it pops & you pull it out? right... that's whats this is - only a bigger version -ok? because then the surgeon will thread the catheter in thru this. The hope is he wants to do both in the same side. They prepped the right & left side to be safe that's why the gown has both right & left exposed they prepped both..

they check the cameras, & shoot Benadryl in the IV, & I feel all sorts of things swirl thru my body, the they begin the dye......weird....they watch the cameras..which are over my head-you CAN NOT watch ...They are talking I feel awful... this is a horrible experience...I want it over... I wonder if this is like an allergic reaction??? i can 't breathe very well... I am doing my focus meditation breathing...concentrate..I do my prayer ` Our Father who Art in Heaven ' over & over to focus....... then its over..... the surgeon comes over says all is looks good... he will see in recovery in a bit.. They nurses finish up? I still have things inside I can see the wall of monitors now...auughhhh.... my heart-the wires ..thru me.....auughhh .. they are pulling the catheters out but leaving the port in & plugging it & I can't move for several hours.
Fine. who would want to. I am in such pain. but its over.
the problem is I have this low potassium and I have had low thyroid fopr many years. I may have an adrenal problem.. possibly addisons? but for now I am just very tired alot an have to figure out how to navigate where I am....
I always have my buddies

not feeling well