Saturday, March 13, 2010


step by step ...I am in a daze..I guess I am in a fog- I have little idea of what went on yesterday.But I clearly was `in my right mind' at each monent ..when I got up I made coffee, knew to do each task-clean & bleach the floors & wipe the stairs down while the coffe brews & vacume, round up the laundry, check the dog & bunny change bunny papers & give pellets, bla bla, bleach the bath room floors & then I can have coffee, house is ready. I can sit down for a few minutes..this has taken like an hr and half to 2 hrs. so it is not rocket science-this I know...I know I am having a problem `grasping' my dads death... he was a huge person in my life...& I did not expect this, it was double bad since my mom is satan... so I am just baby the can not see forward or backward.......I won a Cinderberry contest & it had not arrived I went to the mail every day -could not understand--I had not worns my glasses & gave the wrong address.o missed did the address. thats' stress...My head hurts so bad It feels' like it is going to split open...we had out daughter over with her 2 kids for her 30th birthday...-I swear to GOD....we had the 2 little girls here both under3 our son 10 my beloved made dinner & I called my daughter the wrong name several times ??? why is that??? I called her my sisters name???as I said it ??I thought..hmmI have Not seen my sister in 14 years & she is an truly AWFul person...we never got along..was I just thinking about my mom & sister & preoccupied? what?aauughh how rude..I felt awful.. no one may reliaze how horrible it was but one knows her like I do...uck.t shook me to my core.
I need to contact Cinderberry-to let het know. I just figured it out. It either got sent back or is sitting at the post office. I am soooo tired. this is a horrible dark dark hell...people who don't believe in God should really fear...because I can't imagine what hell & that life --with out God & Jesus and the Lord....what is the point???? I could never NEVER survive...
At least my dad is with the Lord & his family, in his paradise, no evil, no sin. That makes me happy & sad because it is hard to grasp as I look at his drawings of his beautiful trees........

No comments:

Post a Comment